Dependence on God

It is a strange thing to be dependent on God. On a metaphysical level I know I am dependent on him for my very being, my next breath depends on Him to sustain the universe and this fragile life for me to even draw it in and let it out. Once again He has not failed, I am still typing, still breathing still needing Him.

It is a very different thing to depend on Him for the things I believe I am responsible for or have control over. I need God in my finances because He gives me the ability to make wealth, the command to give back the first 10% to His church and the blessings of living in a country where jobs abound (even in a recession). Yet, my job is mine. The effort I exert is mine. The goals I set and the deadlines I impose belong to me. I am answerable for how I spend my time and what I accomplish. See how easy it is to push God out, I, me, mine.

The problem with God is He continually pushes us to a place where we are dependent on Him. Comfortable, easy, smooth sailing are not words that correspond with the Christian life. Instead God wants us to be uncomfortable because we then must turn to the Comforter. Instead of easy He makes things hard, not to burden us but to show His strength in doing what we cannot. If it was always smooth sailing we would never see the One who speaks calm into the storm.

I have a problem with dependence for at least 2 reasons:

1. I don't like to depend on God because I am full of pride. Independence is a sin because it makes much of me and little of God. I do not want to ask others for help because, "I have it under control". I don't want to ask God for help because I am trying to prove to Him how good I am. Dependence on God forces me to confess, "I am not good, I am not strong and I am not capable". It forces me to realize that God loves me anyway. He is not in this relationship because I am great but because He is great.

2. I don't like to depend on God because I am scared of failure. I hate to fail. It is embarrassing (see reason 1). I want to be a winner not a failure especially in my calling to serve God. When I depend on Him He will put me in places that could be perceived as failure. Look at the calling of men like Jeremiah and Steve Epert. One is known as the weeping prophet (cry baby) and the other most people have never heard of. What if dependence on God causes me to fail in man's eyes.

I struggle to depend totally on God because of perceptions. How others perceive me and how I perceive myself keeps me from relying on the only One who's opinion matters. Lord may I live my life for an audience of One. May my weakness show your strength and may my life be full of evidences that I depend on you and you alone.